Just thought I’d share a few comments on statistics about marriage compiled by the Australian Bureau of Statistics in 2013.
It appears “living in sin” is no longer a big issue for Australians, as 77% of couples live together before they get married. Obviously a lot of couples who live together never end up getting married either. It appears there is a lot of “road testing” going on – before living together as well as while living together – and that it takes people quite some time before they find a model that they are happy enough with, to take the plunge into marriage.
On average, for men it takes them to about 32 years of age to get to that point, while women get there a bit sooner; their average marrying age is about 30 years. Is this because they have the relationship they really, really want? Or is it just because they think it’s time, and that what they have will have to do? I don’t know. Maybe there is the hope that if they get married, and have a child or two, everything will be rosy?
But, unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out according to plans/hopes, and marriages on average only last for on average 12 years before the couple divorce. Twelve years, that’s not a very long time really. Long enough to have one or several children though, and subsequently almost half (48%) of all divorces involve children, who typically don’t get to have a say in the matter.
The adults make that decision on behalf of the whole family, and we can only hope that they know what they are doing – but then again, they were the ones who thought they knew what they were doing and decided that getting married was a good idea to begin with… Nevertheless, the decision to divorce (or at least the application) is made by the wives 33% of the time, by the husbands 26% of the time, and by them jointly 42% of the time.
From my experience as a relationship/marriage counsellor, I am convinced that many relationships and subsequent marriages would last longer, with desired satisfaction for all the people involved (adults as well as children), if they had been provided even the basic relationship skills early on. Before they met even. Preferably in high school.
I think it is shameful that we keep young people in school for 12 years, teach them lots of facts (many of which will be obsolete within their life time), but don’t teach them anything about how to address relationship difficulties! After all, the vast majority of students will at some point of their adult life be in a couple relationship. So why not equip them for doing better than they will have any hope of doing if we leave them to the same trial-and-error approach that generations before them have used and failed at?! I don’t get it.
Seriously, most of the conflicts that I help people with in my practice are not that difficult to resolve. Or, at least they wouldn’t have been, if the couple would have come to see me earlier in the piece. Or, even better, if they had had the means to address their difficulties, without my help, as soon as an issue raised its ugly head. What makes it hard to sort out, once the are in my practice, is typically that the issue has been festering for so long – often for many years!
So, here is my advice; if you have little niggly issues that get in between you in your relationship, and decrease your ability to appreciate one another, get help to sort it out before it’s too late. See someone who can teach you the (usually very simple) strategies for addressing your issues.
Of course, I am biased here, since I am promoting my own business. But look at the statistics about marriage above; I didn’t make those up. And you don’t want to become another statistic, do you? So don’t put it off for another day, hoping that your issue(s) will go away – contact me today so we can have a chat about what can be done, before you are past the point of no return.
If you are wondering what relationship/marriage counselling may be like, you may want to look at some of the videos on my YouTube channel: Integrating Awareness on YouTube. When/If you do, please, LIKE them if you like them, COMMENT to your heart’s delight, and SHARE them with your friends.
You can also read more about the subject on this page on my website: Marriage and Relationship Counselling.
Be well, and enjoy being!